Weathered

Continuing to catch up with the prompts, I am focusing on the “Weathered” prompt today. Last October began four months of a personal hell, if I’m being completely honest.

I started taking an anti-depressant called Wellbutrin, however I didn’t take it for depression. I took it as an aid to help me stop smoking. I had taken it before years ago, and it worked very well. The problem was that I couldn’t keep up with a smoke-free lifestyle and soon was smoking again. So I did it again in October because I was more serious about stopping. For myself. For my husband. For my children.

Five days into it, I no longer had an urge to smoke. Two weeks into it, I found myself increasingly emotional, sensitive, irritable, and I never fully left that mindset. I remained in that extreme level of negativity until a couple days ago. For about three months, my husband felt like he had to walk on eggshells around me. Communication stopped, and what communication we had consisted of arguments. I lost patience with my family, I lost motivation for photography. I consistently and constantly wanted away from life in general. Not in a suicide sort of way. But an escape, whether it was constantly sleeping, whether it was gaming. Point blank, I lost every interest in taking care of myself, my family, and my marriage. And as I got to the last several pills and started weaning myself off, it seemed to come to a head. I was so angry, constantly crying, thinking everything was going to fail. Then I took my last pill on Sunday.

I feel like I can breathe again. I don’t feel smothered and suffocated. I don’t feel useless, worthless, depressed, angry, resentful, unhappy. I get the chores I set for myself done. I run my errands. I let things be. But I also look at my family and don’t see them as something I lose my patience with. I look at my husband and realize that I was unfair, not that I could help it all the time, but I saw that I wasn’t the only one having a hard time since October. He was having a hard time dealing with it too.

So. I am extremely thankful that I am AWAY from that medication, and I hope I never have to endure that mindset again. And for those who do have to on a daily basis, please reach out for help. Nobody deserves to live with it. Nobody. So my photo for this prompt is simple. It’s a family photo. We four have gone through a lot, and my husband and I have gone through a lot more before the kids were even born. We are all weathered in a way. Life chips away at us early, with some events eroding part of us. But I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else than with these three extremely important people. Weathered, but grateful.

Lifestyle photography - © Molly Stark

P.S. For my husband, who may or may not check in on here from time to time. I love you. Thank you for putting up with me.

Ever Yours,

LD Signature

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